So, I’ve been um-ing and ah-ing as to whether to write anything down, let alone post it on my blog page. It’s a sensitive subject for me, that not everyone out there will understand. It will likely come out in a mish mash with little structure, as the words just come out.
Anyone who knows me, knows I am animal obsessed and how much I love my pets and that I don’t want children. I’ve lost many pets over the years, having been around animals since the day I was born, and losing one is never easy – but these have been expected due to old age or having some form of control over their last breath by opting for euthanasia in the event of illness, so grieving and coping with their loss has been easier to deal with. But losing an animal unexpectedly and not having any closure as to what has happened, has got to be one of the worst things I have ever experienced……
3rd October 2019 – my girl went out early evening and never returned…..
Even just typing the above sentence has turned me into a teary mess……
It’s hard to put into words what Leah means to me. She has been in my life for around 9 years, having been adopted by myself and my family as a companion for our other cat, George, at the time, from Cats Protection. Over the years, the 2 became my sole companions when I lived alone for several months forming even closer bonds. Sadly, I subsequently lost George to cancer, which was heartbreaking, especially as he was taken too soon. I toyed with the idea of another cat, but Leah seemed to be managing on her own as she formed an even closer bond with myself. We effectively became inseparable and she became a proper mommy’s girl.

She became my best friend, my pal to turn to for comfort on crappy days where I just needed cuddles (animals really are the best therapy) and some unconditional love. Yes, I have other pets and they provide me with comfort too, but the bond isn’t quite the same.
So to have Leah diagnosed with Dilated Cardiomyopathy (DCM) in September 2019, was a shock and it stressed me out big time. A condition like this will shorten an animals lifespan, which is heartbreaking in itself.
She visited the vet due to breathing issues and underwent scans to find that she has a rare heart condition seen in cats. She began treatment shortly after (looking like a proper cat junkie with all the tablets) and her breathing began to improve over the next few weeks and she was much happier in herself, as her heart began pumping more efficiently. Whilst treatment was expensive, I was just so relieved that it would help.
On the 3rd Oct, she asked to go in the garden around 7:30pm as she usually does. She never ventures too far, and always returns when called. But when she hadn’t come back in by the time I went to bed around 10pm, I began to worry (I always worry if any cat is out overnight, even though they were always fine) – she would only usually stay out on the odd occasion over the summer months, and would always be there the following morning waiting to come in. But the following morning she wasn’t there. I instantly headed out and checked the nearby roads full of anxiety, in the event she had ventured further than usually and she had been hit by a car – no sign of her, which I was relieved about but I remained extremely concerned and confused.
Over the next few days, despite constantly calling for her and roaming the local streets with friends (their help means so much to me), there was still no sign. I registered her missing with the microchip company, all the local vets and numerous animal organisations and lost & found pages, appealed on social media and put a ridiculous amount of posters up in the local streets, as well is in my house and car windows. Whilst I have received calls and messages regarding potential sightings, which I am extremely grateful for, I have not found her.

My mood as a result was extremely low over the first few weeks, I would regularly sit in tears after my other half went to bed, as I didn’t want him to see me in that state. Alcohol became a coping mechanism and my focus and concentration were utter shit to be frank, resulting in a lack of motivation to want to do anything. A big part of me had gone. But I forced myself to put on a happy(ish) face and talk to similar minded friends to get things out. Whilst my other half knows I have a large emotional attachment to my animals, he doesn’t fully understand it.

It’s now 3 months on and there is still no sign. I have been told to accept the fact the has gone and that I likely won’t get any answers, and that she has gone off to die. But this isn’t something I can do and her going off to die isn’t something I believe, given our strong bond and how well I know her behaviour.
How can she just disappear into thin air? If she had gone off to die, she would have done so nearby and I would have found her, or my neighbours would have found her. It’s as simple as that. She was absolutely fine in herself when she went out that night and showed no signs of giving up. I think either someone has harmed her (god help them if this turns out to be true) or she has got disorientated due to her medication, ventured further than usual and became lost. It’s possible that someone has taken her in and she is being well looked after, and for whatever reason, she either hasn’t been scanned for a microchip or her microchip has failed.
I have to believe she is still out there somewhere, as she has not yet been found (alive or deceased) and keep hope that one day we will be reunited. People have lost their pets and been reunited many years later, so why should I not hold on to hope? Giving up on her is not an option for me – you wouldn’t give up on your children, so why should I give up on an animal that is as equally important to me? Especially when I am riddled with guilt for letting her out that night?
I am gradually adjusting to life without her around, but I am still filled with sadness and find not having a cat in the house extremely odd, as this is unfamiliar territory for me. I will continue to keep my eyes out in the streets, I will keep her registered as missing until she is found and I will continue to scour social media, rescue sites and selling sites, in the event that someone somewhere has her and is trying to re home her or simply trying to make a few bob.
She isn’t just a cat. She is a unique, individual character in a furry body, that gives me so much. She is equally as important as a friend or family member. And she is sorely missed.


